Wake up and immediately pick up your phone.

Swipe through all the notifications you missed while sleeping. Check if your videos got any likes. See if you gained new Substack subscribers. Skim your email. Check all your email accounts and folders, not just your main one, because what if something life-changing is hiding in your spam folder?

Re-open the first app. Maybe something happened in the last 30 seconds. Realize you need to check the weather, so open that app. Read it quickly while telling yourself you’re “paying attention,” but immediately jump to the sports app to see last night’s scores.

Now you’re confused. Did it say today would be hot or cold? Open the weather app again. You just read it, but you weren’t really reading it. Since it’s been a minute, better pop back into Instagram and scroll for a few more. Just to wake yourself up. Nothing too serious. It is still early, after all.

Remember you’re wearing a smartwatch that tracks your sleep and heart rate. Check your sleep score. Apparently, you didn’t sleep well. That’s weird. You thought you did. But the data must know better.

It’s been ten minutes. You’re already behind. Time to start the day.

Pocket your phone in your pajamas and head to the kitchen. Coffee first. You love coffee. You need coffee. Prepare the French press and set the timer. Four minutes.

While it brews, check your phone again. A notification says someone viewed your profile. Intrigued, you open the app and discover more likes rolled in overnight. On that video you posted three days ago. You rewatch it. Then you scroll some more. Might as well. You can’t do anything else while the coffee is steeping.

Timer goes off. Coffee’s ready. You decide you’re done with your phone, so you leave it on the counter. Good job, boundaries.

Sit on the couch, coffee in hand. This is your moment. The first sip. The best part of the day. You should savor it.

You remember the news. Just a quick check. Reach for your laptop. Open your preferred news site. Skim the headlines, no full articles. Jump to another news site. Then to your favorite blogs. Open them all and scroll.

Take a sip of coffee, only to realize you’ve finished the cup without noticing. You did it again. Got lost in the scroll. Time flew. Now you really have to get moving.

Shut the laptop. Get dressed. Grab the dog’s leash. You love these walks!

On the way out, grab your phone. Pop in your headphones. Scroll through your music app. Maybe today’s a podcast day. Hit play on something with a calm voice. Turn on noise cancelling to block out the city. You want to hear it clearly.

After the walk, keep your headphones in. You’ll be heading back out soon anyway. Say goodbye to your dog. Head to the subway.

Now it’s commute playlist time. Such a good mix. These beats hit.

Step off the train. Notifications flood in. Your watch buzzes. Your phone vibrates. There’s work drama. You rush into the office. Sit down. Dive into Slack, Jira, Trello, email, repeat. Respond quickly. Be helpful. Be on it. You scheduled focus time for yourself today, but that will have to wait. Maybe tomorrow.

Push through the flood.

At some point, realize you haven’t eaten lunch. Head to the kitchen. Grab a snack. While you chew, scroll through your personal notifications. Laugh at a few reels. Send one to your friend. Smile. Text them you’re headed into more meetings. Recheck the weather just in case it changed.

Back to the desk.

More meetings. More tabs. More side messages. Stay sharp. Listen while multitasking. Be ready to respond if someone calls your name. It’s happened before. You weren’t ready. Not doing that again.

The work day ends. Time to head home. Finally.

Pop in your headphones. Commute playlist again. The songs don’t hit the same this time. Try a podcast. It’s about something wild and enraging. Your blood pressure rises. How is the world like this?

Get home. Greet your dog. That wagging tail lifts your mood. It’s evening walk time. Keep your headphones in. Choose something calmer this time. Jazzy. Chill.

Dinner time. You throw on The Office on your iPad while you chop veggies. It makes the prep fly by.

Sit down with your meal. Put on the show you’ve been looking forward to. Eat while you watch. Go back for seconds. Maybe thirds. You realize you didn’t taste any of it, so those last few bites are really savored. Then you’re over-full. Time to clean up.

Back to the kitchen. The Office again while you do the dishes.

Shower time. Music plays from the iPad on the counter. Loud enough to sing along. You do. It’s fun.

Now it’s nearly bedtime. Time to unwind.

Scroll through Instagram Reels. TikToks. Funny videos. Calm ones. Angry ones. Motivational ones. Sad ones. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Get bored. Check notifications one last time. Fire off a few texts. Say goodnight to your pup.

Lock your phone. Place it next to your bed.

Close your eyes.

You can’t sleep.

That trending audio from earlier plays on a loop in your head. It was hilarious. But now your brain won’t quiet down.

You need something to relax.

Turn on The Office. Hit play. Drift off to the show you know so well you can recite it.

Finally, sleep.

Wake up.

And immediately pick up your phone.

Did this feel uncomfortably familiar? Same. Let me know what part hit you hardest or pass this along to someone else who needs to laugh/cry about how we live now.